The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i drank out of a bidet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
