: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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