never play flip cup with pint glasses
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
