Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
