every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
