my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
