I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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