Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
