you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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