you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
