dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was like eating out sand paper
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
