Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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