If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
