she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
