Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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