Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
