new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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