I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
