i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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