shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
