I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
