I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
