Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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