did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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