I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
