my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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