I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
