My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
