so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
