I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
