i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
is wine microwaveable?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
