I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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