you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
