im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You are a booty call, not a friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
