So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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