Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
