True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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