I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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