I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
