i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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