we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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