Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
