I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
