I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
