eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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