yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
