You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
