Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
