Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
