I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
