So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize