Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
