you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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