Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
