he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
