im six kinds of drunk right now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
