A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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