I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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