im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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