My first STD was from a foam party
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
