peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
