sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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