you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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