dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
