I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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