Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
