So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hate all girls vehemently.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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