I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize