are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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