I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
