She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
