help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
