Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
now i know why i became what i already was.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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