Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
