I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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