oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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