Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
