I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hippo gnu deer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
