I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize