It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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