that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
