Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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