life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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