We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
