So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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