Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
