I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize