I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am one with the molecules
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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