My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
