Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
