its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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