South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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