in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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