FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
