Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
